Our computer has broken down.  Whether it's succumbed to a virus, or simply needs to be replaced is something we still have to puzzle out a month after it refused to start up.  At first I told myself I could live without a computer.  After all, I’d lived without one before, why shouldn’t I be able to live without one now?
All through this past month, I’ve waited while my dear husband tinkered away at the insides of our modern machine. Patience is not my strong point.  Even now, it’s a struggle to keep from rushing to the nearest computer shop with the intent to purchase or rent a machine – any machine— that runs much faster than this dinosaur we brought down from the attic.  

The machine I’m hooked up to right now doesn’t do much more than help me type out my work.  Unlike our Pentium IV machine, this machine takes forever to load pages.  Displaying type involves several seconds delay, and woe to the person who attempts to go online with Word still open.  Forget about opening multiple applications, and surfing to your heart’s content.

Each day, I remind myself to be patient and wait one more day. After all, how long does it take to diagnose and repair a computer?  

I keep telling myself that there’s a lesson to be learned here, and surely there must be a silver lining behind this cloud.  But it’s not easy to be thankful and to look at the cheery side when the stories I’ve backed up are all on a dvd which this old machine can’t access.  It’s quite difficult to keep an even temper when trying to get onto the internet takes about half a day, and it’s not easy knowing I’ll probably have to wait longer before I’ll be able to retrieve emails and addresses from our hard drive.

So, what’s the lesson, God? I ask.  What do you want me to learn from this?  

Sitting here, typing out this column, I think of how my computer misfortune has allowed me to appreciate the wonder of being able to connect to the world through the use of these machines.  I think of how I should be thankful that my husband’s Dutchness spared this old dinosaur from the garbage heap so I could make use of it in my time of need, and I realize how spoiled I’ve become since the days when I started writing on my brother’s old 486 computer.

My desire to upgrade to a faster, better, more modern machine is symptomatic of a society where being the best is often equated with how up to date you are, not only in terms of electronic access.  Looking around me, I see how magazines and advertisements all promote a lifestyle that requires acquiring the latest in electronic gadgets in order to project a certain image.  It’s a lifestyle with an attitude that says, I want it here and I want it now.  And to be honest, it’s this attitude I reflect when I say: So, let’s just buy a new computer.  After all, what’s the use of having a credit card if you don’t use it?

Writing this, I feel chastened about my secret murmurings.  I think of how I’m trying to teach my son about saving and waiting for something you really want.  I think of the anticipation in his eyes, each time he watches his savings grow ( Do I now have enough to buy that train I want, Mom? ), and I realize I’d be cheating on him if I used a credit card to satisfy my wants.  

I do get impatient with this old machine, and I still dream of getting myself a modern, up-to-date laptop, but I think I’ll wait and save up a bit before doing so. In the meantime, I’m still praying that some miracle will revive our modern machine.

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