I’m ashamed to say I’ve been wrestling with envy a lot lately. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s anything. I know.
Still I keep catching myself wishing for this person’s opportunities, that person’s recognition, his make-your-own schedule, her talent, their wealth, and so on and so on.
Of course if I had all those things I would be a hodge-podge of a person. And I most certainly wouldn’t be me. The person God made me would be obscured by all those pieces of other people’s lives.
Deep down I know better than to obsess about what others have that I don’t. “Jealousy is a sin,” I’ve started reminding myself out loud when my mind strays to envy. I also remind myself that I am who I am for a reason and that God knows what He’s doing. The person I am and the life I have better suit His plan. I trust that in all but my weakest moments.
Also it’s important to realize that things aren’t always as they seem from the outside. So-and-so may be wealthy but miserable, always stressed, always terrified of losing what he has. The people whose lives I covet probably all have something that I wouldn’t want, not even if it came packaged with the wealth, talent, whatever it is that I so admire.
So I’ll stick with my own deeply-flawed existence. And be grateful for the life I’ve been given. And above all, trust God. He really does know He’s doing.
First published on
The Sword Review, 2005-09-29
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Copyright 2005, Selena Thomason. All rights reserved.
Selena Thomason writes mostly science fiction, but sometimes feels called to other forms and genres. Her stories have been published in various magazines such as The Literary Bone, Ray Gun Revival, Verbsap, and Alien Skin Magazine. Selena is also Managing Editor of MindFlights magazine. Her published works are available at http://selenathomason.com/.
